Key Points
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Durban adoption story reveals emotional and systemic challenges.
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Private adoption helped the couple complete their family.
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Transracial adoption requires cultural awareness and strong community support.
For a Durban couple, the journey to adoption was paved with frustration, false starts, and heartache.
The 38-year-old mother, herself adopted as a child, always intended to adopt. Her husband, 39, supported the decision, but the process was far from smooth.
Initially, they tried adopting through the state, only to face slow services and poor treatment that nearly drove them to give up.
Their adoption efforts began in 2017, but emotional setbacks followed. On three occasions, they were notified of a baby ready for adoption—only to be told the biological parents had changed their minds.
“After the third time, I told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore,” she said.
But a few days later, their social worker called about an abandoned baby in Umtata. They immediately agreed. That baby girl became their daughter.
How private adoption helped complete their family
The couple credits a private adoption social worker for their successful match. “We’re grateful for her professionalism,” the father said.
The adoption was finalized in August 2024, after several emotional and logistical hurdles.
The process involved intense screening, including background checks and interviews to determine if they were ready for parenthood.
“There’s not enough compassion in the system,” he added, speaking about state services. Many prospective parents give up due to cost or discouraging treatment, leaving children stuck in the system.
Their story highlights how a private route—though expensive—may offer a more supportive experience for determined adoptive families.
Love, culture, and creating a safe space for a child
Five years into parenting, the couple says the rewards far outweigh the challenges. Their daughter, now 5, brings them daily joy. “When she hugs us and says ‘I love you,’ it makes it all worth it,” said the mother.
Still, a transracial adoption adds another layer of responsibility. The couple has had to learn about different hair and skin care needs and says support from their diverse community has been essential.
They also emphasize the importance of creating a safe, nurturing environment for adopted children, many of whom have experienced trauma.
“It’s your duty to ensure both physical and emotional well-being,” the father said.
He also called for a dedicated adoption support helpline to assist prospective parents with questions and resources. “It takes a village,” the mother echoed, “whether the child is adopted or biological.”
